


I’ve waited you for a hundred years (But I’d wait a million more for you)

by skaioctavia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Brainwashed Bellamy Blake, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt Clarke Griffin, Season 7 fix-it, The 100 (TV) Season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28138701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaioctavia/pseuds/skaioctavia
Summary: “Bellamy, this thing you believe in will kill you!” Clarke said, tears on her eyes as she tried to convince her best friend to not end up dead by believing in a stupid man words whom calls himself shepherd and thinks he knows everything better than everyone.“Who cares, Clarke? This is something I’m willing to die for!”“I care!” she screams. “I do care so freaking much, Bellamy. Because I’ve been in love with you for a hundred years!”
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	I’ve waited you for a hundred years (But I’d wait a million more for you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this book is how I wished 7x11 and 7x12 had been, so this is kinda a fix-it. Hope you like it!! Feedback is appreciated :) English is not my first language, so I apologize if there’s any mistake <3

_ I've learned to lose you, can't afford to _

_ Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin' _

_ But nothin' ever stops you leavin' _

_ — When The Party’s Over, Billie Eilish. _

The weird feeling pounding in her chest made her lose her breath, and she gasped for air as she looked at the man right on front of her, not able to believe what he had just told her.

“You’re lying,” she said, more for her than him. No, he was wrong. He  had to be wrong. Probably he was telling her this just so she’ll pull her guard down and get some information, she thought. But there was no way he was telling the truth. “You’re—“

“I’m not, Clarke. I’m sorry,” he said in a calm and sad tone, but his face was the same: cold, calculating. “Bellamy’s dead.”

Clarke’s legs failed as if she hadn’t any strength left to support her weight. She staggered back and Raven took her by the shoulder, stabilizing her. She felt the air suddenly becoming hard to breathe, and she couldn’t see properly anymore. The shepherd’s words were floating through her head.  _ Bellamy’s dead. Bellamy’s dead. _

_ Bellamy’s dead. _

Clarke knew death was unpredictable and unavoidable — she knew that very well. But she was never prepared to lose him, to lose Bellamy. They had been apart and met again so many times that see thought they’d always found their way to each other back. She kinda thought they were imortal, they would be together forever. A part of her soul broke as she realized: Bellamy is dead, and she did nothing to save him.

She said she wouldn’t lose anyone else and know she lost Bellamy. This is too much. She lost her mother last week, and now her closest friend. The man who brought her back from the dead, the man who refused to give up on her even when everyone herself included did. The man who pulled the lever with her in Mount Weather so she wouldn’t carry the bound of those deaths alone. The man who had saved her so many times she would be the whole day listing. The man she never had the chance to tell she loved him.

“One of my men killed him while trying to save our people,” he explained, after a while. She look up at him, and she saw he didn’t regret it at all. She felt sick — how could this man think he had the right to end someone’s live? How could him? How  _ dared _ him?

“Your disturbed psychopath son of a bitch!” Clarke yelled approaching him and hitting him in his face. A loud sound echoed through the room caused by her hand against his face. When he turned to look at her again, he had the same look as before, like he hadn’t been hit a second ago. He spat blood on the white floor and looked at her. 

“Are you throw yet?” he asked, calmly. Clarke couldn’t  _believe_.  He was acting so normal, so calmly, so controlled. It made Clarke sick. Her heart was aching, her head was killing her and her hand was on fire but yet she couldn’t help but stand dare looking at him with gross and angry. This man killed her best friend. This man took away from her one of the only things she had left. She had lost so many people, she couldn’t lose Bellamy. Not again.

But she had. Because of him.

“How could you?” she said and then when he just stared her blankly, she hit him again harder this time. “Did you really think you had the right to end someone’s life?!” she screamed, totally uncontrolled. She couldn’t control herself anymore. Anger has taken over her.

“Well, that’s a question for you to answer, isn’t it, Wanheda?” he says, and Clarke blinks disbelieved. How did he know that?

“How—“

“I have my own way of search,” he said, and then smiled and Clarke’s stomach churned. “But the point here, Clarke, is that you’ve killed so many people without considering twice when it was to save your people, but when my man did this to save mine, we’re wrong. Isn’t it interesting?”

“There’s anything interesting about this. You killed Bellamy! He did nothing to you!” Raven yelled.

“He came here to get his sister back. I understand it though, I really do. Selfish love is what made you all so weak and pathetic,” he said.

“You were with his sister. Of course he’d want save her!” Miller spoke out.

“Well, I suppose in your undeveloped world this is something normal or even noble. The man who’s sister was in possible danger killed three innocent people just to end up killed and his sister stay in the same place anyway. It would be a nice fairy tale, if you ask me.”

“No one asked you,” Niylah said, looking disgusted to him.

“Love. You say you love people, you love something or a place, but what is love?” he said, looking straight on Clarke’s eyes as if he was telling this to her feel on her soul. “Love is a word invented by human beings to express the feeling of agony you feel about someone. The agony if he or she likes you back, the agony if one day you’ll lost they, the agony of having feelings for them when they have none for you. This agony is so strong that makes you put this only single person or group of people above everyone else and  that  agony makes you do such terrible things so you don’t lost your loved ones. Such as pulling a lever, killing more than 300 people; kids, innocent people, people who will never get the chance to do better, people who will never get the chance to grow up, to see the sun light ever again. Such as letting your friends be tortured so you can save the girl you raised as a daughter,” he said and Clarke felt tears on her eyes but she didn’t let it fall. She wouldn’t give him the pleasure of seeing her cry.

“The agony is always there, but still you always choose it.  _ This  _ is what I don’t understand.”

“He’s a psychopath,” Raven sighed.

“I’m a man who sees what no one else can,” he said. “How many times, Clarke, you apologized for making mistakes but then you make them once again?”

“Clarke’s not God, she’s a human. She makes mistakes, as all of us,” Raven said, standing beside Clarke and grabbing her hand.

“But then— why does she always gets to decide for all of you?”

“I don’t decide for neither of them,” Clarke said.

“Oh, you mean by making a list of hundred people that deserved surviving the second apocalypse?”

“How do you even know that?” Clarke asked.

“Octavia Blake. She told me everything. Well, we  saw in her mind everything.”

“Oh my God,” Raven gasped. “You entered on her mind?!”

“We had to. To serve a biggest truth.”

“The only biggest truth I see right now is you’re an idiot,” Niylah said. 

“Well, you might not understand what I’m talking about right now, but when we save you, you will. For all mankind,” he said, Raven frowned.

“I want to see Octavia,” Clarke said. “She needs to know what you did with her brother. I advise you to run. She gets really... violent when she’s angry.”

“I know violence is the only way for you,” he said. “However she already knows. In fact, she saw it.”

“Oh my God,” Raven said, felling sorry for Octavia. She could have been really evil but no one deserved to see your own brother being killed.

“A girl named Echo and her tried to destroy this place. My men arrested them, along with Diyoza, Hope and Gabriel.”

“Who’s Hope?” Miller whispers to Niylah.

“Have no idea,” she whispers back.

“I can let you see them later. But now, I have so business to discuss with you, Miss Griffin.”

“I have nothing to discuss with you,” she said.

“Miss Griffin,” he said with a smile and it made Clarke sick. “I can’t bring Bellamy back, but I can make sure none of your people die now on.”

“And what makes you think I’ll not kill you right now?” she asked, pointing the gun right on his face.

He snapped his fingers and eight or nine men appeared pointing their own guns to her and her friends. “If you shoot me, my men will kill you and your friends.”

“This thing only works if you’re willing to pull the trigger. Are you?” she said

“I am. Are you willing to kill your friends because of your selfish love?” Clarke looked at him with deadly eyes for some seconds and then sighed, putting her gun in the ground. “I thought so,” the man said, smiling. 

* * *

“For the last time, I’ll only talk to you if you let my friends go,” Clarke said firmly and the man who Clarke discovered was called Bill smiled and sat in the chair in front of the chair Clarke was sitting.

“I’ll only let your friends go if you talk to me.”

“I’m sorry,  _ shepherd _ ,” Clarke mocked and Bill laughed.

“Can I tell you a story?” he asked and didn’t wait for a reply. “When the world had been destroyed for the first time, I was there.”

“How did you survive?” Clarke asked.

“The same bunker your people did.”

“You’re Bill Cadogan,” she whispered and looked at him disbelieved. “How you still alive?” she couldn’t help but ask. 

“How did your people survived the third Earth explosion?”

“Cryo,” she whispered. “Have you been sleeping for over three centuries?”

“Yes, technically. But I have been awake along the years, waiting for the key— and now, we’ve got you.”

Clarke frowned and wondered what he was talking about. “What you mean?”

He sighed. “Clarke, Clarke... There are so many things you don’t understand and I wish you did. You could get rid of your pain.”

“I don’t feel pain.”

“Darling, I saw in your eyes when I told you Bellamy was dead. I see on your eyes now all the pain you’ve been carrying all these years on your own.”

“Don’t call me darling,” she said.

“My daughter always told me that,” he smiled sadly and for the first time in this day Clarke saw some humanity on him.

“She’s been in cryo over the years like you?”

“No,” he sighed. “She’s been dead for a long time.”

Although the man’s face showed pain, Clarke couldn’t feel sorry for him, not even just a little. She was still hating in for what he’s done and once her friends are save, she’ll kill him.

“Just like me, she believed in something. Too bad she believed in the wrong thing.”

“There’s something wrong to believe?” Clarke asked.

“Well, there is some things you believe but you shouldn’t. There is some things you believe and there’s no coming back and the end is death.”

“So you’re saying the only thing is right to believe is what you believe in?” she asked, frowned. This man was such a narcissist.

“Well, I’ve seen this with my own eyes and my purpose is to lead the man kind through the last war,” he said.

“What is the last war?”

“The last war everyone will ever need to fight. We’ll have true peace. Is not what you want, Clarke?”

Clarke would’ve been lying if she said no. But she didn’t trust what this man was telling her and neither believed him. 

“I don’t trust you,” she said, after all.

“I know you don’t. I’d be surprised if you did. You just have to believe.”

“Believe in the man who killed my best friend,” she mocked with a fake smiled and he sighed.

“Well, I know you don’t believe in what I do, but when we win the first war, we will save you anyway. Is that what we mean by ‘for all mankind’,” he said.

“I don’t need to be saved.”

“That’s what you want to think, but deep inside both of us know you do.” He stands up. “Well, Clarke, since our conversation didn’t go anywhere further— GUARDS!” he screams and immediately five guard enter in the room. “Please, take Miss Griffin to a ceil and just bring her back to me when she’s ready to corroborate.”

Two men grabbed Clarke’s arms while she tries to fight it and looks in Bill’s eyes with anger as the guards took her away.

* * *

Clarke was in the cold and tiny ceil for almost two days. She has been thinking about Bellamy, Abby, Kane... She had always been so focused on surviving and saving her people that she hadn’t the to truly process their deaths. She had think about them, cried and even laughed a little when she remembered something funny about them. But the death was beating her the most was Bellamy’s.

It was so new and she couldn’t almost truly believe; somehow, she thought when she come back to Sanctum, she’d find him there. She wish she knew earlier he was in danger. She wish she had saved him.

When she needed him, he was there. He brought her back from the dead. But, when he needed her, she wasn’t there for him.

Her eyes were filled with tears again. Her heart ached and her heart was pounding. She hadn’t eaten and hadn’t get any sleep. She was tired. Physically and mentally. Her muscles screamed in pain just like her brain did. She was so tired of fighting, of losing everyone, of always end up being the bad guy when she’s trying to be the good one. She’s tired of carrying the bound she’ve been carrying for so long. Somehow, it was easier to carry it when he was around. Even when she lost him, even when she let him to die, even when he hated her, it was still easier. Now there was a a hole in her chest, and every person she lost seems to dig that hole deeper and push her into it. 

Memories from the last time she had saw him comes to her mind. If only she had told him how she felt, if only she had hugged him tighter one last time...

Now it was too late. He was gone. Forever. She’d never get the chance to speak to him again. She’d never get the chance to look deep on his brown eyes and just talk to him about everything and anything at the same time. She’d never get the chance of feeling safe as Bellamy made her feel. She’d never get the chance to see him and hug him and tell him she loved him.

_ The heart and head. _ She remembers when she told him this. She told him if he was going to survive, he needed to use both his head and heart. He told her he didn’t need to use his head, because he had her for it. But, what’s left of the head without the heart? 

The noise of the doors of the ceil being open makes Clarke stand up and stares at the door. As Bill passes by it, Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Came here to talk about how should I believe in this ‘last war’ bullshit? You’re waisting time,” Clarke said, sitting against the wall again.

“I saw you in the cameras, Miss Griffin. You’ve been crying two days straight,” Bill said.

“Well thank you for telling me. I’ll make sure not to crie,” she said, not looking at him. 

Bill bends down and look at Clarke with something in his eyes. Maybe worry? Curiosity? Clarke didn’t know, but she knew she didn’t like it though. “Clarke, I know you’ve been suffering and I’m sorry I am one of the reasons why. But I can give you something to believe in— a purpose.”

“My purpose is already clear,” she said.

“What is it then?”

“Kill you!” she said and Bill laughed. “What? You think I’m joking?”

“No, I definitely don’t. I know you’d kill me. Is what you do, Clarke. You kill because you think you have the right to.”

“Said the man who killed an innocent man.”

“This ‘innocent man’ killed three of my men.”

“Who kidnapped his sister.”

“But they didn’t kill her,” Bill said, getting to his point and Clarke rolled her eyes. “The truth is you don’t care about the circumstances or why someone did something; you just care they did. You’re always killing everyone without a second thought. You take away a second chance from people. And when you apologize and promise you’ll never do this again, you do. Did you ever realized this toxic looping you’ve lived your whole life, Miss Griffin?”

“You’re saying this like you were better than me,” Clarke said. “You kidnapped a person and get on her mind just to have the information you’d want. You killed a man who was just trying to save his sister.”

“I know my sins,” he said. “And I know I won’t ever be able to fix them, but I have the chance to do better and I am doing better.”

“So much for being better,” Clarke whispered.

“Clarke, we need you to save the human race. Everyone’s fate, including your friend’s and your daughter’s is on your hands right now. You are the key, Clarke. You have the key.”

“I don’t have any key,” Clarke said.

“Yes, you do. It is inside of you. I believe you call it Flame.”

Clarke looked at him speechless. She didn’t had the flame — in fact, she had only used it once to save everyone from A.L.I.E but she removed it. But if she told him she didn’t have it, he would search more and find out Madi was the last commander; Clarke couldn’t put Madi in danger.

“And want do you want exactly?” she asked.

“Like I told you, you are the key for us to win the last war. We need you. I swear to you, Clarke, if you help us, we’ll let your friends go.”

“I want to see them first. See if they’re okay,” Clarke demanded.

“Your wish is an order.”

* * *

Clarke never felt so relived in these too days. Seeing all her friends, okay and in no harm made her smile for the first time since she had lost her mother.

“I’m so happy to see you, guys,” Clarke said, looking at every friend of her that was there. But someone was missing.

“So are we, Clarke,” Niylah said.

“What that psychopath wants from you? Did he hurt you?” Raven asked.

“No, I’m fine, Raven. He thinks I have the flame and told me it was the key for them to win the ‘last war for all mankind’.”

“Geez, this man’s a nut-job,” Miller said.

“He’s the one who built the bunker you survived the Praimfaya. Bill Cadogan,” Clarke told them.

“How’s he still alive then?” Octavia asked, confused.

“Cryo, just like we did before get to Sanctum.”

“At least his not a Prime,” Miller jokes and Niylah pushes his shoulder.

“And what’s the plan? How do we get out of here?” Niylah asked.

“I’ll make a deal with Bill. I’ll tell him I will only help him once all of you are safely back to Sanctum.”

“Clarke,” Octavia said, standing up from the chair she was sitting on. Clarke realized she had some tattoos on her face or something like that, just like Echo, Gabriel and the one she presumed was Hope, Diyoza’s daughter. “They’ll kill you once they know you don’t have the flame.”

“You’re not sacrificing yourself for us,” Echo said.

“Give me another option in which you all end safe.”

“Clarke, you have to end safe too,” Raven said, approaching her.

“You deserve to live, guys. More than I do.”

“Deserving has nothing to do with this,” Octavia said. “They’ll kill you for nothing, just like they did with Bellamy and it will be  my  fault. I can have your blood in my hands too, Clarke.”

“What you mean?” Clarke asked.

“Bellamy died trying to save me. And they saw everything about you on my mind. I let them, so I could protect Diyoza’s daughter, Hope. If they know you had had the flame, that’s on me. And if they kill you, that’s on me too.”

“Octavia...” Clarke whispered, pulling her to a hug and letting her crie over her. “Bellamy’s dead because of  _him_ ,  not of you. It it his fault. And it’s okay, Octavia. I know what is like to risk everything for one single person.”

“I didn’t— I didn’t get the chance to tell him— that— that I understand,” Octavia cried and Clarke hold her tight. She had never seen Octavia so vulnerable. 

“He knows you do,” Clarke whispered in her ear.

They pulled back when the door was open. Octavia wiped her tears and felt Hope’s arm in her shoulder and she looked at her, smiling. Bill entered in the room with his guards and Clarke approached him.

“We need to talk,” Clarke said. “I’m ready to help you. But only after my friends—“

Clarke is interrupted when Bills point at the door and a male figure enters in the room.  _No, I must be hallucinating. This is not true_ ,  she thought. It was Bellamy. Right on front of her.

She felt all the feelings she had felt this past two days coming back like a hurricane and she couldn’t think straight. Her brain was telling her she was hallucinating, it wasn’t true, but her eyes told her another thing and she wanted to believe in her eyes.

“Bellamy?” she managed to say. It was him — his beard was bigger as well as his hair, he wore clothes bigger than him, he was covered in snow and his face showed tiredness, but it was still him.  _ Her Bellamy. _

Octavia tries to approach him and hold him, feeling so overwhelmed with the fact he was still alive. She wanted to hug him and talk to him, apologize once more for what she’d done and tell him all she craved for almost ten years, but the guards point their guns at her and she pulls back. 

“How?” Echo asks. “We saw you die.”

“It’s hard to keep the Blake’s down,” Octavia joked, her eyes filled with tears just as Echo, but Clarke was staring at him, shocked. She hadn’t any reaction. She actually didn’t believe he was really there yet.

Clarke approaches him and hugs him tight, feeling the hold she thought she would never feel again. His hands held her back and she shakes at his touch. She was so happy she had him back. She couldn’t put down in words what was like losing him. She was so glad he was back; and she’d never let him go again.

The guards pointed their guns at Clarke because of the sudden move, but Bill told them she had the key and they put down their guns.

“The flame is the key,” she whispered in Bellamy’s ear. “They think it’s still in my head, don’t say nothing.”

She pulled back from his embrace and looked in his familiar eyes. She held his gaze as long as she could to. 

“I hope that now you’re ready to help us, Clarke,” Bill said. “Too much blood has been spilled. Each death is a child of the Earth who won’t Transcend. I’ll give you time to reunite while we make preparations.”

Clarke simply nodded, not daring brake the contact with Bellamy’s gaze. It felt like remedy that cured every inch of her body who ached for his loss. 

Bill was about to leave the room, but Bellamy called him. “My shepherd.”

Clarke’s expression went confused and she couldn’t believe what she had just heard.  _ My shepherd. _

“There’s something you should know. Clarke does not have the key. The flame was destroyed. I’m sorry.”

Clarke looked at him, both confused and terrified. How could him? This wasn’t the Bellamy she knew. Octavia looked at him shocked and so did Echo, and so everyone in the room.  _ What the hell happened to Bellamy Blake? _

* * *

Clarke was back to her cell again. She couldn’t help but still wondering what the hell happened one hour ago. She thought Bellamy was dead, and when she saw him and felt so happy he was there, he betrayed her.

She tried to convince herself she had understand wrong, this was some plan he thought and didn’t have anytime to tell her. Maybe he was trying to protect her, maybe he knew she would sacrifice herself again for her friends and didn’t approve it. 

Although the confusion that was pounding in her head, she felt so happy knowing Bellamy was actually alive and she didn’t lose him. She had “lost” him for just two days and she wasn’t holding that well, she didn’t know if she could take it any longer. Bellamy was really important to her and she couldn’t lose him, like the head couldn’t lose the heart.

The noise of the doors being open echoed through the room and Clarke stood up and saw Bellamy entering in the room with some guards.

“Now you need backup to talk to me?” Clarke asked and he nodded to the guards and they left, letting the two alone.

“Tell me this was a part of a plan of yours,” Clarke said, almost begging. She couldn’t support being betrayed by him. 

“Clarke,” he sighed. She saw he was wearing white clothes, he had cut his beard and hair and looked like the dropship days. 

“I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how you telling Cadogan the truth about the flame helps us,” she said approaching him and her heart ached. His eyes, his once familiar eyes who calmed her down didn’t look the same. “You know what I’ve come up with? It doesn’t.”

“I couldn’t lie to him,” he said, not looking in her eyes. And now she felt really betrayed. 

“You couldn’t lie to him but you could betray me? Betray your friends?!” she yelled at him with eyes filled of tears and he just stared at the ground, he couldn’t look in her eyes and this hurt her more. “Why couldn’t you lie to him?”

“I had an experience. Something that changed me to my core. Something that explains why we’re still here, and where we’re going. It came to me in a vision. Mom was there. The shepherd led me to her. And there was a light... it was beautiful, and warm, and peaceful, and I chose it. But when I opened my eyes, the storm had passed, just like that.”

Clarke stared at him not knowing what to say. She knew Cadogan had make him believe in what he tried to make her though. “Bellamy—“

“Clarke, I know how it sounds but it’s real,” he said, looking in her eyes and she could tell he truly believed that. And it broke her. “You believe me, right?” 

She couldn’t reply. She didn’t believe him. She knew what Cadogan was talking about didn’t make any actual sense and this was probably his way to control people like the Primes did making their people believe they were gods. Clarke felt sorry for Bellamy for believing in these crap.

“The last war is coming,” he said, after a while and Clarke shakes her head. “The last war we’ll ever need to fight. Win it and we become the light.”

“Is that what the cult leader told you?”

Bellamy sighed and looked at her. “Clarke, I know it sounds crazy but I know what I saw.”

“I’m glad you know how it sounds,” Clarke said with a fake smile. “This is insane, Bellamy!”

“If I told you an A.I destroyed the Earth restoring our minds in the City of Light would that be more believable? What about a group of astronauts turning themselves into gods by transferring their minds into the bodies of their own followers in order to live forever?”

“Okay. Yes, we’ve seen our share of crazy but that doesn’t change the fact that fighting some war to become the light is as ridiculous as the clothes you’re wearing!” Clarke said. 

“There’s one way to find out,” Bellamy said. “Tell me where the flame is.”

“No,” Clarke said and Bellamy sighed:

“Clarke, yesterday you were offering it up in exchange for safe passage.”

“Yesterday I was bluffing! I made a deal to save my friends knowing damn well I had no intention following through with it,” she said looking at him deep in his eyes, trying to find there the Bellamy she once knew, but she couldn’t find it. “Today I’m standing in front of my best friend who I thought was dead and I don’t even recognize him.”

“Can’t you see? I’m the same person who brought you back from the dead, who refused to give up on you,” he said approaching her and she pulled back, and that hurt him. She never had pulled him back. “There is so much more at stake here than you know. And I know you don’t believe in Transcendence, but I’m telling it’s real and all I’m asking you is to believe in  me.  Your closest friend.”

“Even if you’re right, even if everything you’re saying is true, I will  not  help that man start his war!” she said and he sighed, looking at the ground and then back to her. Her eyes were watering but not a single tear fell. 

“Tell me where the flame is,” he asked again. 

“Or what? You’re gonna kill me?” Clarke said. “So you’ll have to kill me because I’m not telling you anything.”

“Thousands of disciples are dead including first disciple Henderson.”

“Yes. And every one of them has tried to keep us from saving our friends!”

“And now I am trying to save  you , all of you!” he screamed, his eyes filled with tears now. She sighed looking away from him. “Clarke, if you don’t tell me where it is they’ll execute all of you. Please, let me help.”

Clarke looked him in the eye and felt her tears drop and she could no longer hold them back. She took a deep breath and shook her head."Go float yourself," she said, with a piece of her heart breaking.

Bellamy’s heart broke in two pieces, and his tears fell too. She turned back and he looked at her back, feeling so overwhelmed with the fact she hated him now. He never meant to hurt her. He wanted to  save her. Why couldn’t she see that?

He took a deep breath and wiped his tears. “Guards,” he called them and they entered in the room quickly. “Take her to mcapp.”

Clarke turned around, her arms crossed against her chest and she looked at him disbelieved. The guards grabbed her arms and she looked at Bellamy with disappointed eyes. “I said I wouldn’t lose anyone else. But I have. You. But it doesn’t matter to you, does it, disciple Blake? So much for together.” And they took her away, and her words made his heart broke once again.

_ This is what I have to do _ _,_ he tried to tell himself, but the look Clarke gave him made he wonder if it was really worth it.

* * *

Clarke was struggling in the mcap chair, a device on her head while a woman tried to get into her mind. She struggled and screamed, trying to get out of there, and Bellamy held his hand against the other, unable to see Clarke suffer like that.

“Clarke, tell us where the flame is,” the woman said and increased the pressure of the machine on Clarke's head, making her scream louder and Bellamy closed her eyes tightly. Clarke struggled to stay sane and reveal nothing. Her nails had penetrated the palms of her hands and she could already feel the blood coming out. She tried to focus on that pain, not the other.

Clarke’s memories were playing on a big screen, and Bill and Bellamy could see everything.

_ “ Bellamy, I need you.” _

_ “Together.” _

_ “I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” _

_ “Bellamy. You have faith in him?” “I do.” _

_ “I don’t trust them but I trust you, Bellamy.” _

_ “Bellamy, you saved my life today. You may be a total ass half of the time, but I need you.” _

_ “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.” _

_ “I’m going by myself.” “You’re not going by yourself.” _

_ “I’ll do anything, I’ll stop fighting. Just please don’t kill him.” _

_ “I need you, Bellamy. And we don’t have much time. I need the guy who wouldn’t let me pull that lever by myself in Mount Weather.” _

_ “But we need each other, Bellamy. What we’re doing now— the only way we’re gonna pull this off is together.” _

_ “The head and heart.” _

_ “Bellamy. You can hear me, if you’re alive. It’s been two thousand one hundred and nine nine days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this everyday, maybe is my way of staying sane.” _

_ “You’re really here.” _

_ “You’re my family too.” _

_ “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.” “You saved my life, Bellamy.” _

“Sir, she’s dangerously close to hemorrhaging,” Shoana, one of the disciples said.

“Shepherd,” Bellamy said, looking at Cadogan. “I don’t she think knows where the flame is.”

Bill looked at Clarke who tried to control her breathing, his eyes calculating. “She does,” he said while she grunted. “Or she wouldn’t be fighting.”

“Sir, let me talk to her. If she knows, she’ll tell me but torture isn’t the way,” Bellamy begged and Bill sighed.

“Turn it off,” he demanded and Shoana obeyed. Bill looked at Bellamy. “You have one hour to make her talk. Otherwise we’ll take place where we stopped and either way I’ll have my answer,” he said and Bellamy nodded, and they left the room.

“Clarke, please tell us where the flame is. I don’t wanna see you suffer,” he asked placing his hand over hers.

“You were the one who sent me here,” she said rudely. “Take your hands off of me.”

He pulled back and sighed, feeling hurt. “I’m so sorry, Clarke. It didn’t have to be like this.”

A tear fell from Clarke’s eyes. “Yes, it did.”

“Clarke, please. They’ll kill you. Just tell them where the flame is. In the end all of us will be at peace.”

“They’ll have to kill me then, I won’t tell them anything.”

“I know you don’t believe in any words the shepherd says but please, just believe in me.”

“Bellamy, this thing you believe in will kill you!” Clarke said, tears on her eyes as she tried to convince her best friend to not end up dead by believing in a stupid man words whom calls himself shepherd and thinks he knows everything better than everyone.

“Who cares, Clarke? This is something I’m willing to die for!”

“I care!” she screams. “I do care so freaking much, Bellamy. Because I’ve been in love with you for a hundred years!”

Bellamy freezes at her words in shock.  Clarke was in love with him. Clarke had been in love with him for a long time.

“But the guy I fell in love with is  dead  now.”

“I am not dead, Clarke,” Bellamy said. He couldn’t believe is was reciprocal — she was in love with him too. He never thought she would be.

Even though he had never admitted, he had been in love with her for a hundred years too. He had been in love with her since the dropship days. When he were on the ring and he thought she was dead, he almost killed himself. He was with Echo because he was feeling alone and he needed someone to support him — but he always knew he wouldn’t love her the some he did with Clarke.

“The guy I knew is,” she said weakly. “Please, Bellamy, come back to me.” Her voice sounded so vulnerable and Bellamy had never seen such. “Please, Bell. I thought I had lost you two days ago and I can’t lose you again.” 

“Clarke—“ he whispered. He didn’t know what to do. In one side was the woman he loved, the woman who had always been by his side and saved him more times than he can even tell. And in the other is what he believe in, something he truly believe.

“Bell, I know you feel like you have to believe in this. Human beings always have to have something to believe in or otherwise they feel empty, pointless. But let me tell you this thing will kill your sister, will kill your girlfriend, will kill your friends, will kill me, will kill you. Bellamy, please. If you need something to believe in, I’ll give that to you. You can believe in me.”

Clarke was right. Bellamy let himself believe in all Bill’s crap because he felt empty, he felt useless, he felt pointless, he felt meaningless. Bill have him a meaning, and Bellamy hold it and made himself believe in it — it was better than feel the way he felt before. When he was lost in the Mountain, he thought he’d never see Octavia or Clarke or his friends ever again, so he hold tight in that meaning. And that meaning let him let Clarke being tortured — he’d never forgive himself.

Clarke was fighting so hard to stay awake but she was losing the battle. She felt all her muscles relax and she knew she would faint.

“Hey, Clarke. Hey, hey, hey,” Bellamy said, holding her face. “Hold on, okay? Hold on, I’ll get you out of here.”

“Bellamy...” she whispered, trying to squeeze her eyes open.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry for all of this. I never meant to hurt you. I— I never— I’m so sorry— Clarke I—“

“It’s okay, Bell. It’s okay,” she said.

“Clarke, I’ve been in love with you for a hundred years too. I never admitted that to anyone, but I always loved you, Clarke. I’m so sorry I let this happen to you— I’m sorry I  did  this to you.”

She smiled weakly. “I abandoned you in Polis to die. Now we’re even.”

“Clarke, it wasn’t the same. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Deserving has nothing to do with it,” she whispered. “And we’ve all made mistakes, Bellamy. You’re not the only one.”

Bellamy would protest, he would tell her what he did was unforgivable and he would regret it for the rest of his life, but her eyes fell close and Bellamy panicked.

“Clarke? Clarke! Hey, Clarke, can you hear me? Open your eyes!” he said while he untied her but he never got a reply. He held her fragile body and carried her to Octavia, Echo, Raven and Gabriel’s cell. He would take all of them out of there. 

“I’ll save you, Princess. Just stay with me,” he promised in a whisper.

* * * 

When Bellamy entered in the cell, everyone pulled back but when they saw Clarke, Octaviaand Raven approached him, with worried faces.

“What did you do to her?!” Raven yelled.

“Shh, don’t yell. We have to get the hell out of here,” Bellamy said and then he lays Clarke on the tiny bed the cell had.

“So you’re not with Cadogan? It was part of your plan?” Octavia asked with hope.

“I was, actually. But Clarke made me realize I was being stupid, and I’m here to help you escape.”

“How can we trust you?” Raven asked, crossing her arms against her chest.

“I know you don’t trust me. I wouldn’t either. But you’ll need me to get back to Sanctum.”

They seemed to think for a while, but then Echo spoke out. “Sure. What’s the plan?”

“At three o’clock the veterans disciples will have training and that’s the best time for us to ran,” Bellamy said. “We need to get to the stone and we have exactly twenty seconds to enter the code and go back to Sanctum, because once we touch the stone Cadogan and his arm will know.”

“Okay, but what about the guards and the security cameras?” Gabriel asked.

“Cadogan are planing on sending you to penitence so Clarke would tell where the flame is. I’ll tell them I’m taking all of you to get prepared to penitence as Bill asked and they’ll let me go. But you can’t on any circumstances kill or try to harm any guard on our way to the stone. Is it clear?”

“Yeah, I’ll try my best,” Echo said.

“Echo,” Bellamy said.

“Fine. I won’t kill or hurt any of the guards on the way,” she said.

“Great. Sound like a plan?” Bellamy looked at his friends.

“Sounds like a plan,” Octavia said and hugged him tight, and he hugged her back. He was so glad she was okay, she was there on his arms.

“I thought you were dead,” she cried.

“Shhh, it’s okay, O. It’s okay,” he said.

“I understand,” she said and pulled back to look in his confused eyes. “I now understand, Bell. I understand every single stupid and reckless thing you’ve done to save me. I understand why, Bellamy. I understand what is like to feel you have to do everything for one single person. I understand.” She hugged him again and he didn’t dare ask her how she understood, he was just glad she did. 

And she pulled him back, Echo approached him and hugged him tight. He felt so bad for feeling she hugging him with such love but he couldn’t hold her back as loved as she did. The only person he had ever be able to hold with all the love he had was unconscious right now and almost died because of him.

Echo pulled back when Raven falsely coughed making everyone laugh. She hold Bellamy. “I’m glad you realized you were being an ass.”

“What can I say? I’m always an ass.”

“What? Are you waiting me to tell you this is not true?” Raven joked and they laughed, pulling back.

Bellamy looked in his watch. “It’s time,” he said.

“We’ll get out of here for all mankind,” Raven mocked and everyone laughed. Bellamy took unconscious Clarke in his arms and Gabriel approached him, and placed the back of his hand against Clarke's forehead.

“Shouldn’t her be awake already?” Bellamy asked worriedly.

“She’s burning up. We need to get her back to Sanctum,” Gabriel said.

“Shoana said she was close to hemorrhaging,” Bellamy told.

“This is not good. We gotta move,” Gabriel said and everyone nodded.

Everything went well as they planned. The guards let Bellamy pass normally and they managed to get to the stone room with no harm and Echo managed not to kill everyone.

“You did great, Echo! I’m proud of you,” Hope joked and Echo rolled her eyes, smiling at the girl.

“Bellamy, you know which symbols to touch?” Octavia asked.

“I don’t. I got here today, I didn’t learn much,” Bellamy said. “But I thought maybe Gabriel does?”

“I don’t,” Gabriel said.

“I do,” Raven remembered. “I used the stones once and I remember which symbols get us back to Sanctum.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, Raven Reyes is saving the day again,” Miller jokes as Raven touched the symbols.

“Faster, Raven!” Bellamy yelled when he heard the guards coming.

“I’m going as fast as I can!” she yelled back.

Then a green smoke took place in front of them and the portal opened. In the second Bill entered in the room they had already passed through it and the portal closed, letting Bardon behind.

Once they got to Sanctum, they decided to go the Prime’s compound because the disciples wouldn’t be able to pass through the radiation shelter and this would give them time to come up with a plan to stop Bill. 

They ran to the medical where they found Jackson, Emori and Murphy talking. Nelson and Indra were there too. Once they passed through the door, their eyes turned to them. Jackson ran to Miller and hugged him tightly. And then everyone’s eyes turned to the unconscious Clarke in Bellamy’s arms. Bellamy lays Clarke in the stretcher.

“What happened to her?” Jackson asked approaching her.

“She was in the mcapp. Is where they trie to enter on people’s mind so they can get information. But when you fight it hurts you. Shoana said she was dangerously close to hemorrhaging.”

“Okay, Bellamy, I’ll take care of her,” Jackson said softly and Bellamy pulled back, letting him help Clarke.

“Bellamy?” Emori said. “What are you talking about. Who are  they?  And why you wearing this stupid close clothes? I mean no offense.”

“I’ll explain you everything later. First I just need to know if Clarke’s fine.”

“I’ll do some tests, when I’m finished I’ll call you right away,” Jackson promised.

“Okay,” Bellamy said hesitantly. He didn’t want to leave Clarke’s side but he needed let Jackson do his job to help her. “Thank you, Jackson.” Jackson simply nodded.

Everyone leaves the room in silence. “So,” Bellamy said, “what have I missed?”

* * *

After Indra, Emori and Murphy telling him everything that happened while he was gone, Bellamy went to his room to shower and change his clothes. While he felt the water falling against his skin, the memories of today were playing through his head. _“_ _ I care! I do care so freaking much, Bellamy. Because I’ve been in love with you for a hundred years!”  _ Clarke’s words echoed in his head.

Clarke had saved him today. Again. She begging him to come back to her, asking him to believe her, she telling him she had had been in love with him over a century— it somehow ended his brainwashed state. Clarke was always the one who brought Bellamy back to reality when he finds himself stuck between fantasy and reality. 

He felt so stupid in succumb to Cadogan’s lies. He had saw it — the light. He knew he saw it. But he wasn’t willing to let his friends die for what he believes. Even transcendence being truth or not, Bellamy wouldn’t be on Cadogan’s side. This man was a psychopath, willing to do anything to prove his right. He thinks he’s the most developed creature on the galaxy, but the truth is he’s just a stupid man craving for power.

Once Bellamy had put new clothes on, he left the bathroom and found Echo sitting on their bed. “What Clarke told you that made you change your mind about Cadogan and everything?”

“She said it wasn’t worth believing,” he said and it wasn’t a completely lie, but he knew Echo could tell he wasn’t telling everything.

“Today was a crazy day,” she said.

“Yeah, it was,” he said, sitting in the other side of the bed.

“When I woke up I thought I had lost you, and now I’ll sleep knowing you’re back.”

He smiled at her but he’s heart ached. He couldn’t do this to her. It wasn’t fair. “Echo, we need to talk.”

“There’s something wrong?” she asked worried.

“Um... I don’t know how to say it, but I think we should break up,” Bellamy said looking in her eyes and he didn’t wait for her to reply. “Look, Echo. We’ve been together for three years and I love you. But I don’t—“

“Love me as much as you love Clarke?” she asked, and he looked at her with sorry eyes but she smiled. “Bellamy, I know it. I always have. I always knew how much Clarke meant to you and her ‘death’ almost killed you. And I also knew our relationship wouldn’t last forever.”

“You did?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah. We were good to each other, you know?We were both alone in a junk floating through space, not sure if we could ever go home. We were scared and lonely and we found each other. But it wasn’t forever. It was just for some time. I don’t regret anything, though. You’ll always be important to me, Bellamy and I’ll always love you, but not in the way we  should.  I kinda see you like a brother, but I wouldn’t dare say that or Octavia’d kill me,” she joked and they both laughed.

“You mean that?” he asked, to make sure. “Are you really okay?”

She smiled at him and held his hand. “Yes, Bellamy. I am.” 

He smiled at her too. “Good. Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t, Bellamy,” she said and they hugged. “But seriously,” she said pulling him back, “what Clarke told you that made you change your mind?”

“She told me she’s been in love with me for so long,” Bellamy said.

“FINALLY!” Echo yelled smiling. “Oh my God, I thought you guys would never admit it to each other.”

Bellamy laughed. “I guess we were both too stubborn for that.”

“You  were ? You still are,” Echo joked and he laughed.

“But, seriously, Echo. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” she smiled and brushed. “And I’m kinda liking someone too.”

“Who?” he asked, smiling. “Raven?”

“No, oh my God! She’s like a sister to me!” 

“Murphy?”

“Ew.”

“Gabriel?”

“Oh hell no.”

“Hope?” Echo didn’t reply. “You’re liking Hope!” he said.

“Do you wanna low your voice?” she said and they both smiled.

“I’m happy for you, Echo.”

“So am I. Now go and see if your girl’s fine.”

* * *

“Jackson!” Bellamy called him when he found him in his way to the medical.

“Bellamy. I was actually going to look for you.”

“How is she, Jackson? How’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked anxiously.

“She’s fine. She’s just tired and had a minor brain damage but she’ll recover, nothing to worry about.”

“But this minor brain damage—“

“It’s really small, she’ll recover in a week or two,” Jackson said calmly. “She just need plenty of bed rest and she mustn’t stress, okay?”

“Sure,” Bellamy said. “Is she awake yet?”

“Yeah, she is. And she wants to see you,” he said.

“Thank you, Jackson.”

“Anytime, Bellamy. You should go see her now.”

Bellamy nodded and made his way to the medical. When he approached the door, he took a deep breath and opened it. The first thing he saw was a blonde resting in the stretch. He held her hand and kissed it. She opened her eyes and looked in his, smiling.

“Hey, Princess,” he said the nickname he used to call her. She never liked it, he loved it though. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay, Bell,” she whispered and caressed his hand in hers with her thumb.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry I—“

“Shhh,” she said placing her finger between his lips. “It’s okay. You already apologized.”

“It isn’t enough though. It will never be enough to show you how sorry I am. I’ll apologize everyday for the rest of my life trying to make up to you.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke said. “Everyone had done things we’re not proud of.”

Bellamy thought I’d better to not argue with her, but it didn’t change the fact he felt really  really  bad for what he’s done and what he let be done. 

“Have you seen Madi? Is she okay?” Clarke asked worriedly.

“Emori and Murphy are with her. They said she’s okay and she wants to see you.” Clarke nodded.

“Clarke, can I ask you something?” Bellamy said.

“Sure.”

“You really meant that? I mean... you’re really in love with me?”

Clarke smiled and placed her hand in his cheek. “Bellamy Blake, for a smart guy you’re kinda really dumb,” she said and laughed at the fake offended face he made. “I’ve been in love with you for a century. The destiny tried to push us away so many times but we still always found our way back to each other. I know you’re with Echo now, and I won’t get between you two and I—“

Bellamy interrupted her with a kiss he didn’t realize how much he needed it until his lips touched hers. The kiss was gentle, soft, calm and careful. He held her face caressing her cheek throughout the kiss and her fingers cuddled in Bellamy’s hair. When they pulled back and their foreheads touched, they both smiled.

“What about Echo?” she asked.

“We broke up twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh my God,” she said, pulling him back. “Is she okay? Are you okay? You didn’t break up with her because of me, did you? Oh my God, Bellamy, I—“

“Hey, hey. Calm down,” he said softly. “We broke up friendly. We’re both fine and we’re in love with different people,” he assured her.

“Are you sure?” she asked worriedly.

“Yes, Princess. I’m sure.”

“Great,” she said and kissed him again.

Their lips touched and this time the kiss was more intense, full of passion, a kiss that they had waited for a hundred years. Bellamy pulled away and kissed her forehead, smiling at her. “So, Princess. How we gonna stop Cadogan?”

_ I've waited a hundred years _

_ But I'd wait a million more for you _

_ Nothing prepared me for _

_ What the privilege of being yours would do _

_ If I had only felt the warmth within your touch _

_ If I had only seen how you smile when you blush _

_ Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough _

_ Well I would have known _

_ What I was living for all along _

_ What I've been living for _

_ Your love is my turning page _

_ Where only the sweetest words remain _

_ Every kiss is a cursive line _

_ Every touch is a redefining phrase _

_ I surrender who I've been for who you are _

_ For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart _

_ If I had only felt how it feels to be yours _

_ Well I would have known _

_ What I've been living for all along _

_ What I've been living for _

_ Though we're tethered to the story we must tell _

_ When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well _

_ With a whisper we will tame the vicious seas _

_ Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees _

_ — Turning Page, Sleeping At Last.  _


End file.
